Nickel's Worth

When I was little my momma used to call me Nickel . When I grew to be a young woman I  had a mentor who used to tell me, Nicole "there ain't but a nickel's worth of difference between us ". By "us"  she meant people in general. She used to say is so often it would grate on me . I would be annoyed trying to figure out how she meant it to be applicable for whatever I was struggling with or working on  at the time .Convinced ,of course, that she was missing my point not that I was capable of missing hers. To be perfectly honest there were many instances where I brushed it off as nothing more than the mutterings of an old woman who couldn't think of anything better to say to me in the moment.  Like a lesson borne to be taught it took root in my mind and heart over the years ; refusing to budge or wither under my refusal to attend to it. Gratefully, I have come to understand it to a modest degree.

Within the simplicity of its speech there is a powerful symphony of humility, wisdom and love that I could not hear or comprehend for so long.  I have tried keep my life in tune with  the melody since it reached my heart.To be mindful that we are all very much the same at the core of who we are. We all long to feel safe ; accepted ; loved ; treasured; significant. We all suffer when one or more of those things are absent from our lives. All must wrestle fears of some kind . All must endure loss of some kind . Most of us want to be better than we are; even those who would never admit it. From time to time we  get tangled up in the differences to the point of isolation. Our past is too murky  ; our secrets too pathological  ; our pain - too deep ; our circumstances- too complicated or too perfect ; our dreams to lofty; our fears - too vulnerable. I've heard it called "terminal uniqueness". Then again, maybe I'm the only one whose ever experienced that .

We spend wasted occasion being better or worse instead of being so near equal. Instead of cherishing the familiarity of life and each other with the unknown amount of time we have to dwell within our skin and discover who we can touch while we are in it. Thomas Jefferson, who appears on the u.s nickel said "Do you want to know who you are ? Don't ask. Act ! Action will delineate and define you"  When I think about a nickel I don't think of much . But, when I think of my little girl's reaction at finding a nickel on the floor I have a different idea of it's worth . As a mother I both cringe to think of where it has been as she bends to scoop it up with her little fingers and enjoy the innocence of her joy. Her squeals of delight over unexpected good fortune and sudden wealth hold me back from denying her the riches of her discovery and dousing her with hand sanitizer. And like that filthy treasure the value of my experiences are stained and teeming with the infection of wear; the corrosion of imperfect perceptions ; the liability and depravity of my own shortcomings. But a nickel; is a nickel still. And  I hope also ;that in what I do hold out to offer , shines in places as beauty  as it reflects the Son . For whatever it's worth.